Re: Christian Grey's Tie

I read Fifty Shades of Grey.

Then I got to the part where Christian used his silk grey tie to bind Ana's hands behind her back in a little play session.

Later, Christian is seen giving a speech in front of a crowd wearing that tie.

U mad bro? YES.

Anyone who owns a tie knows that if you tightly knot a tie, especially in the tender thick blade area, that tie will be creased and ruined forever. This is the stuff of nightmares.

Yet there he is, giving a speech in front of everyone wearing The Tie, his appearance seemingly flawless, and Ana is writhing in her seat remembering how that tie was used for erotic bondage just a few days ago.

I feel that it is my moral obligation to alert the public that no necktie will survive that kind of treatment.

That isn't to say that neckties do not make good bondage gear. On the contrary, they have many advantages. For one, they are discreet. You can take them anywhere and never need to worry about an embarrassing airport situation.

They are versatile, you can wear a tie to a fancy dinner, and use it later that night in a sexual romp.

The fabric is usually soft and decadent, feels good on the skin. The length is good.

Just be aware that turning a tie from a fashion accessory to a bondage toy is a one way operation. That tie is forever nothing but a fancy rope. Dry cleaning and ironing cannot save it. You might be able to salvage it into a makeshift bow tie, but that's it.

Once a tie gets kinky, it never comes back.

So if your girlfriend reads this book and starts eyeing your favorite tie, there is only one answer.

No, that's not it. Try this one.

Nope. One more time.

There you go.

Alex Krasny is a tie fetishist and avid reader of audio books. He is the creator and curator of AGREEorDIE.com, where you can read all about how to tie a necktie without damaging it. You can also follow him on Twitter where he posts as @lexkrasny.